A (typical) day in my life

 I start my day when I hear the raspy voice of my grandparents grumbling about my inability to wake up early in the morning. They say that the early bird gets the worm but I think that eating raw and living worms is nothing to be proud of. The grandparents in question spend two hours of the entire morning, which spans from six to eight in the anti meridian, stating all of my 'bad' qualities. Apparently I am a lazy, good for nothing human being who is an absolute waste of time and resources. I, however, prefer the term 'highly reserved' over 'lazy'.

By eight in the morning, I lose my last shred of sanity and succumb to their constant nagging. I pull myself out of the bed in spite of the almost magnetic inertia holding me back to the bed. I proceed to the kitchen without bothering to brush my teeth in advance because my life motto is 'live to eat'. As I near the kitchen, the cook looks back at me, bewildered, exclaiming to no one in particular-"Look what the cat dragged in". I ignore the thinly veiled insult and proceed to look through the kitchen to come face to face with puttu and kadala curry. Murmuring a disgusted "yuck" to myself, I turn my head to the direction of the sink and go to brush my teeth. I take more toothpaste than necessary for a normal human being and brush my teeth until I am sure that at least half of my enamel has chipped off. I then wash my mouth with a mouthwash, drinking a quarter of the bottle in the process. Approaching the dining table with a huge yawn, I seat myself on the chair waiting for the food to arrive while my grandmother starts yelling about how I was spoon-fed since the woe-filled day of my very birth. I dig into the breakfast and successfully manage to choke on the curry, initiating the passage of a very irritating piece of kadala through my windpipe which will either results in me exhaling pieces of the said curry down my nose, or my lungs burning with the masala in the curry. Grandmother pats my back and head at the same time, taking care to apply extra force so that it qualifies as physical berating while my sister laughs not-so-subtly in the corner of the room, all while I continue to shoot glares through my tear filled eyes.

After breakfast I immediately start thinking of lunch. However, my homework clashes with my thinking session, so I hesitantly approach the said books and write down stuff that does not even remotely resemble what was taught in school. Happy with studying for half an hour, I take a two hour break and skip around the house, because why not? 

At precisely ten thirty, my good mood starts going sour when I step on a cow dung during my skipping session. Angry with life in general, I run to my room to change into something that is not dripping with the digested remnants of grass that the cow had eaten the day before. After changing, I run out to continue skipping around the house until eleven when the rooster starts pecking at my legs, at which point I abandon the skipping and start running. I talk to the wind and the wind says 'thuu'. Panting heavily, I enter the house and approach my bed to lay down, when my next door neighbor creeps up behind me and pinches my backside to ingrain within me the habit of bathing after a run. She continues to lecture me about basic hygiene and goes as far as stating that the next generation will wither due to lack of proper health. I am then faced with various false statistics about corona virus being spread because little girls do not bath. I groan in frustration and trot to the bathroom where I spent my valuable time bathing till twelve in the noon. Exiting the bathroom rather nonchalantly, I come in contact with the fresh aroma of lunch brewing in the kitchen. I rush to the kitchen in happiness, knocking down various things and people (my sister) in the process. As I approach the kitchen, I start jumping with joy at the sight of chicken curry with such enthusiasm that I fail to see my poor grandmother walking behind me with scalding hot curry in a spoon. The said curry spills on me eliciting a very un-lady-like scream from yours truly. Tired with the day already, I change my dress for the third time and go to the dining room in a much more reserved manner than before. 

From one to three O'clock, I actually get some studying done. Satisfied with my academics, I get out of the house at three and proceed to ride the cycle around the house till about four in the evening, when I fall off said cycle and bruise my leg. I then bandage the leg with more cloth than necessary while my sister adds salt to injury-literally. She takes the salt and puts in on my bleeding knee, saying that salt has healing properties and laughing with mirth at my agony. Utterly exhausted, I advance to the room where my grandfather is. The next hour is spent in trying to kill the mosquitoes within the room as they suck away at our blood. It is pure mayhem in the house as people start slamming at the mosquitoes with whatever they can get in their hands. Various items like the T.V. remote, bedsheets, an old umbrella, framed photographs and so on are flung across the room. Anyone who by chance happens to be caught between a mosquito and a person throwing something at the mosquito is potentially dead meat. As the pillaging and war cries cease, the family comes together for daily prayers which continue till eight thirty, during which half of us sleep and the other half tells the sleeping half to wake up and pray.

After prayer, our family as a whole sits together and discuss international issues and everything that is wrong with the world. We debate about wives who kill husbands and vice versa, Donald Trump and hard-core politics. After this, we eat dinner in peace and slowly retire to our respective beds. Lying on my bed, I think back to the day and wonder how my life became so complex and thank God for the wonderful food he provided me with throughout the day. With a sigh, I close my eyes and rest, preparing myself for whatever the next day holds for me while dreaming about rainbow colored crows.