Downright Insulting

Dear Mr. Montgomery,
I write to you in hopes of arriving at some sort of conclusion to my problems regarding your lodge in which I am currently taking up residence. The list is quite endless and honestly, I am fairly uncertain about whether or not I will be able to fit all of my complaints in this piece of paper, but I assure you that I will try my very best to do so. Hence, without much ado, I commence.
My demands regarding the room which was to be assigned to me were quite simple and obsolete, in my very frank opinion. The fact that you have not only refused to comply but also provided me with this utter abomination of a room at an unbelievably excruciating price is extremely mortifying. Allow me to explain my case and do not dispose of my words.
I had specifically requested for the room overlooking the sea in hopes that I have a great view at the very beginning of the day itself, as looking at my husband's face is not exactly a beautiful view- its more of a pain, to be honest. I had clearly underlined the need for such an arrangement in the letters I wrote to you, which you had agreed with prior to our recent "arrangement". I, therefore, entered the lodge expecting French windows overlooking the sea while what I was met with was in startling contradictions with my expectations and succeeded in shocking me to the core. When I looked, for the first time, out of the pathetic excuse you call a window, I was met with a brick wall. The fact that you undoubtedly find it fascinating to frame a part of a wall and hang some cloth on it to somewhat resemble a window is weird and horrifying. I moved on to the next window in hopes that the first must have been some sort of honest mistake, but much to my chagrin saw that the latter was even worse as it supplied a direct view into the bathroom of a neighbor. I wish to say that the neighbor in question was taken aback on what seemed to be a direct breach of his privacy, but on the contrary, he remained absolutely nonchalant, as if this was of normal occurrence. Red with fury and embarrassment, I advanced to inspect my own bathroom. You can only imagine my dismay as I witnessed a pathetic excuse for an Indian closet in the form of a HOLE IN THE GROUND. I would have been able to adjust, had it been a decent hole, but it turned out the hole had already been previously used by someone who did not find it necessary to use the flush. In an attempt to flush it, I pulled the wire attached to a string which was connected to a box adjacent to the hole, which led me to believe that it must be the flushing system. Nothing, Mr. Montgomery, NOTHING would have prepared me for what happened next. I watched in pure alarm with my mouth gaping wide as the contents of the hole flew towards my face in slow motion and drenched me, successfully soiling my wedding dress which I was wearing at the time, since the whole "lodge" thing was the spiffing idea of my darling husband who insisted that we spend our honeymoon in this pothole of an establishment. Revulsed and disgusted, I rushed out of the "toilet" and into the dining room, wherein I attempted to sit down and cry my eyes out, when the chair suddenly gave away from under me causing me to land on the floor rather unceremoniously. I came into the realization that the furnishing must not be sound and this was confirmed the very next moment when I stepped on a rusty nail which had come loose from the chair.
I do not know whether or not you care, but I was taken to the hospital in order to dislocate the nail from my unfortunate leg.
I have many, many more instances to tell you of and what I have taken the pains to scrawl above are just the narrations of my first day here. The days since then have not been any better; and in fact have worsened. I have taken great pains to write to you, literally, considering the fact that last day as I was sleeping A RAT CHEWED OFF MY FOREFINGER. This arrangement is not only uncomfortable, but also downright insulting to my standards as a lady. Therefore, I hope you will take into consideration my complaints and provide me with better accommodations elsewhere. I assure you that if you refuse to take immediate action upon my requests, I will not hesitate to file for a divorce.
Your wife, 
Mrs. Montgomery.