For someone to see

 Dearest Diary, 

Writing you every single day is truly a mundane task. I have tried to continue it, but I am afraid that in the quest for a "funner" way to go about it, I have abandoned my noble mission of making it mine, truly mine. I feel like I am writing for someone to see. Someone to watch and read and criticise. But I cannot help it. I do not know why I feel this way, but I simply cannot forego this feeling of artificiality and made-upness that seems to become gradually prevalent in my writing.

Today was, like all other days, interesting. The sun was shining, birds were chirping and whatnot. Only I found it boring- as in my perspective became so set on it being a boring day today, that I could just not percieve the fact that the lining in the cloud was silver, and not gray like I had anticipated.

You might be wondering why I am writing about clouds and stuff. To be honest, I do not know. I just felt like flowing away, you know? I simply have no idea on how I can convey my flow of thoughts.

I believe that there is only one thing faster than light- and that is the human thought process. Humans can think at a very fast capacity. It amazes me how we are all just super computers with meat and blood on us. 

I wish to begin a chocolate factory. I want to be its CEO and pull of a little something like Mr. Willy Wonka did. I want to imagine and dream and inspire. To create, to lead and to claim. But at the same time I feel like crawling into the sofas at my house in a warm blanket and lay with my eyes open without moving. Stay like that for an hour or two, no thoughts, just because.

I want to talk about landing on the moon but not actually go there (because interstellar scared me a bit). I want to run for president and lose by a tiny margin because I am afraid I will mess up the country if I come to position. I want to learn driving but not actually drive except in case of an emergency, because people are rash on the road. I want to walk and talk, I want people to not only hear, but to listen. To understand when I am blabbering. Someone who realizes that there is no need to read between the lines because all I want to say are actually in those lines. I want to breathe and believe. 

I am a dreamer. An underachieving one too. I wish for many things that I cannot gain. They say that only those who dream can achieve. Oh! But all I have got are dreams!

In fact, it became so hard- dreaming, hoping and struggling to get nowhere, that one day I stopped. Maybe that is the problem. Maybe I gave up a bit too easy. Maybe that is why I am sitting in front of my open lab record and typing a blog for someone to see.